The Birthday and Wedding Planning Blues.. or I'm so tired I can't think straight.

   When I left you good people I was a hale & hearty woman just on the edge of 46 years old getting ready to head off to my Spring Ritual of working for a few days with friends on Mackinac Island. That me was optimistic, strong and enthusiastic. 

  That me is so friggin gone I'm not sure I would recognize her if she wandered up the walk way and presented me with a daisy.

   Today's me is disheartened , tired, sad, and exhausted. 

Today's me is looking at a pile of dishes left from her birthday dinner ("just leave them I'll do them when I get home tonight at 11pm." Yea-right), a wedding shower to plan at the last minute for tomorrow because the Maid of Honor is a twit who never asked for the day off. There is a ton of grocery shopping to do and a house to clean and food to prepare for said Shower. 

Today's me is feeling small and petty because her twin brother called from his birthday get-a-way at a Spa and she bit his head off. 

  Today's me is sitting in her dining room in tears just wanting to run away from it all but knowing that that is really not possible...

  

  And BB King passed away....

  I usually do not give in to this type of whining and will just soldier on through and 'get it done'. I'm not sure why that seems so difficult right now. I have had a couple of offers of help but short of someone saying  'sit down and let me handle this' I honestly don't know what I need help with. All of it?  None of It? The food?

 Copious amounts of Rum and Opiates? Oh right- I don't do that kind of thing anymore. (That seems a pretty short sighted decision right now...) 

And to add to this bitch-fest is that there are very few people who will actually show up and HELP when they've volunteered to do so - which leaves me pretty gun shy on asking and accepting because it seems that inevitably there is another job, kid, or appointment that will take precedence and leave me doing it by myself anyway. Its less difficult to just not count on the help sometimes.  

  

  So there it is- I've hit my 'wall' and the damn Season has not yet started. But in a few minutes I will quit crying, get up, suit up, and shut up. 

I will get this done with a smile 

and take all day Monday off.